The White Peril 白禍

19 February 2006

You say you don't, but you will
I find the long-distance relationship thing easier if I keep the apartment as if Atsushi might return for good tomorrow. You know, no slovenly-bachelor stuff, and no putting his stuff out of sight so it's not "in the way"--I try to keep the sense of a shared life. And no junk all over the place. Sure, I'm normally pretty persnickety anyway, but when things are busy--and they have been lately--even I can get to letting things go.

Today was catch-up. Since I like to eat a lot of vegetables and they tend to go bad if not used quickly, I made my week's worth of vegetable scramble. Kind of like ratatouille, but kind of not--spring onions, broccoli, mushrooms, red and yellow peppers, eggplant, a can of tomatoes, whatever herbs strike my fancy. Darkened apartment, task lighting over the cutting board, glass of whiskey, humming along with 10000 Maniacs. It makes me smile a little that I still like Our Time in Eden so much. It came out my sophomore year, my most uncomplicatedly happy time at college--my best grades, starting a few upper-level classes, fun with friends all the time. Not much later, the shakeup that ended with my coming out and leaving the church I'd been reared in would start for real, after which being my friend was not much fun for a while. And Our Time in Eden, populated as it is with characters who feel weak-willed and are faced with sticky moral decisions--well, it was so much of that time for me that I thought I might end up sealing it off there and not wanting to return to it. But it's okay. (What's not okay is what happened to Natalie Merchant when she went solo. Gawd, what a grim little finger-wagging schoolmarm she turned into. She used to have such empathy for people who were having trouble doing the right thing without talking down to them--you could hear it, even if you didn't agree with the "right thing" according to her lefty politics. Tigerlily just killed that dead.)

Oh, speaking of plants, I was making vegetables a few minutes ago, wasn't I? Yeah. That way I can nuke a frozen portion and dump it over pasta or alongside a poached egg on toast or what have you. Not as fresh as the things just picked from the garden like we had when I was little, but a lot better than Birdseye. As I said, no slovenly-bachelor stuff.

BTW, I think my favorite passage about vegetables ever is Miss Manners's on artichokes:

Dear Miss Manners:
What is the most efficient way of eating artichokes?

Gentle Reader:
For those who want to eat efficiently, God made the banana, complete with its own color-coordinated carrying case. The artichoke is a miracle of sensuality, and one should try to prolong such treats, rather than dispatch them speedily. An important part of sensuality is contrast. First pull off a leaf with a cruel, quick flick of the wrist, dip it in the sauce, and then slowly and lovingly pull the leaf through the teeth, with the chin tilted heavenward and the eyes half-closed in ecstasy. If the sauch drips, a long tongue, if you have one, may be sent down to get it. When the leaves are gone, the true subtlety of the artichoke reveals itself: a tender heart, covered with nasty bristles. To contrast with the fingering, there should be a sudden switch to cool formality. The fuzzy choke should be removed with dignified precision and a knife and fork, so that the heart may be consumed in ceremonial pleasure.


The most wonderful of many wonderful things about Judith Martin is the way she makes life seem Alice in Wonderland-ish. You know, inanimate objects have personalities, people are strange, and unexpected things happen all the time, and you just have to roll with it.

Of course, people do what you do expect sometimes. I actually did go out and pick up some Royal Copenhagen the other week; the whole "Buy Danish!" thing seemed kind of hokey, but I've felt better and better about it as the reaction has unfolded since. Anyway, Atsushi already had some Royal Copenhagen stuff that he didn't take with him to Kyushu. You know how I've mentioned that he doesn't wear any colors except navy blue and the occasional so-dark-it's-almost-black forest green? Well, he's the same with furniture and housewares. This is what you get when Atsushi goes shopping for dishes:


atsushidrinks.JPG



No, don't adjust the color on your monitor. See? The placemat's green. It's just the dishes that have no color. All Atsushi's are like that. Well, he has a donburi or two with a pattern, but I think they were presents or something. The insides of the kitchen cabinets looked like a Walker Evans photograph until I arrived on the scene.

They don't anymore, because this is what you get when Sean goes shopping for dishes:


seandrinks.JPG



Unlike, presumably, the Queen of Denmark, I'm not really into the chalky pastels. But given that my tea and coffee things are already a million colors and patterns, having a few restrained, solid things kicking around is probably a good thing.

He comes home this coming weekend.
Posted by Sean on 2006-02-19 08:28:21 | 10 Comments | 0 Trackbacks >>>>>>> Categories: gay, household

8 February 2006

How to celebrate Valentine's Day the Sean Way™
If you tend to approach the tasks of daily life with a normal degree of competence, the steps below may not make any sense unless you get a trusted friend to whack you in the head real good with a 2X4. If they still don't make sense, you may need another whack. If you try a third whack and end up brain dead, be sure to contact me, because we will then clearly be able to communicate as equals.

  1. Decide under the influence of no-mercy Japanese commercialism that, even though you don't give a fig about Valentine's Day, it would be nice to surprise your Darling Longsuffering Boyfriend with a treat.
  2. Order early enough not to rouse suspicions of possibly nosy concierge at DLB's apartment building that package is connected with Valentine's Day.
  3. Go to Dean and Deluca website and locate suitable cookies.
  4. Carefully type in your address for billing.
  5. Carefully type in DLB's address for shipping.
  6. Submit information.
  7. Get error message telling you that you ignored (clearly visible) instructions to make all characters in addresses full-width and not half-width characters.
  8. Correct numbers.
  9. Resubmit information, having failed to notice that radio button for recipient and shipping address is still set to default of "Same as billing."
  10. Receive notice that order has been shipped.
  11. Reward self for thinking ahead, for once, with slice of lemon poppyseed cake.
  12. Receive notice from delivery service that package is waiting in parcel locker of your own apartment complex.
  13. Retrieve package to find cookies intended for DLB.
  14. Idly wish there were a way to punish oneself for stupidity by uneating cake.
  15. Put cookies on counter and figure you can express mail them to DLB yourself next day.
  16. Look thoughtfully at cookies each time you pass counter on way to bathroom or kitchen.
  17. No, make that covetously. Look covetously at cookies each time you pass counter.
  18. Figure the hell with it and open cookies. Eat four with Murder, She Wrote.
  19. Vaguely think about repackaging rest of cookies in order to disguise half-goneness before sending to DLB. Rationalize that he wouldn't have liked all the girly-girl packaging stuff anyway and might not have been able to finish cookies by expiration date.
  20. Figure the double-hell with it and eat rest of cookies with blogreading, resolving to order another package next day.
  21. Congratulate self for having chosen cookies that turned out to be seriously yummy.
  22. Order another package of cookies next day, this time taking precaution of reading all directions as you go.
  23. Well, except for the part about making all characters full width before submitting information.
  24. Punch self in chest as punishment for not being able to remember, after nine years in Japan, that you need to read whether full-width or half-width characters are called for on an on-line form.
  25. Strip off T-shirt and look in panic at chest to make sure self-punishment has not produced unattractive bruise.
  26. Submit information by jamming finger into Enter key, which has served you faithfully while you told it to do dumb things.
  27. Apologize to Enter key.
  28. Be grateful you have blog that's read faithfully by DLB so that you can tell him you've done something idiotic again without actually having to, you know, tell him.
  29. Look forlornly at tea and wish you'd saved one or two cookies.
Posted by Sean on 2006-02-08 08:44:30 | 5 Comments | 0 Trackbacks >>>>>>> Categories: gay, household