住めば都
Riding Sun seems like a good guy, but he and a few of his commenters have an all-too-common reaction to one of the irritations of living in Japan:
Personally, I find that the reply "Well, you know, it's like everything else--it just takes a little practice" works better than sarcasm. If you're with people you know from work, you can deliver it with that cringey little bow you give when being complimented, to convey gratitude along with the gentle message "Japanese language and forms are learnable skills if you apply yourself; they're not as hocus-pocusy as you may think." If you're with your new landlord, you can deliver it with an extra-respectful cringe to convey, "I'll be sure to learn which garbage goes out which night so you'll never see bags sitting there for days." If you're with a guy who's flirting with you, you can deliver it with The Look to convey, "I'm an all-around quick study, baby."
The problem with sarcasm in these situations is twofold. For one thing, it's a no-no in formal Japanese interaction with near-strangers, so using it kind of casts doubt on the idea that you understand the culture here more than your interlocutor thinks you do. (If Japanese people seem not to be picking up on it, it may be that they're laboring to give you the benefit of the doubt rather than just leaping to the obvious conclusion that you're being ungentlemanly.) For another, sarcasm deflects goodwill. Yes, it's trying to be constantly informed how especially special Japan is. But when people compliment your ability to do Japanese things, they're saying, "I'm proud of my heritage, and I'm honored that you're learning to navigate it." What's the harm in acknowledging that and letting it drop?
So, over time, I've developed a standard response I use whenever someone comments favorably about my ability to use chopsticks:
Why, thank you for noticing my chopstick technique! It didn't come easy, let me tell you. I studied under a chopstick sensei every day for five years. My father took a second job to pay for the lessons. I even withdrew from school at one point to devote myself full-time to chopstick mastery. Long into the night, I would practice picking up dried peas until my fingers ached...
I carry on in that vein until the other person realizes I'm being sarcastic. It usually takes longer than you'd think.
Personally, I find that the reply "Well, you know, it's like everything else--it just takes a little practice" works better than sarcasm. If you're with people you know from work, you can deliver it with that cringey little bow you give when being complimented, to convey gratitude along with the gentle message "Japanese language and forms are learnable skills if you apply yourself; they're not as hocus-pocusy as you may think." If you're with your new landlord, you can deliver it with an extra-respectful cringe to convey, "I'll be sure to learn which garbage goes out which night so you'll never see bags sitting there for days." If you're with a guy who's flirting with you, you can deliver it with The Look to convey, "I'm an all-around quick study, baby."
The problem with sarcasm in these situations is twofold. For one thing, it's a no-no in formal Japanese interaction with near-strangers, so using it kind of casts doubt on the idea that you understand the culture here more than your interlocutor thinks you do. (If Japanese people seem not to be picking up on it, it may be that they're laboring to give you the benefit of the doubt rather than just leaping to the obvious conclusion that you're being ungentlemanly.) For another, sarcasm deflects goodwill. Yes, it's trying to be constantly informed how especially special Japan is. But when people compliment your ability to do Japanese things, they're saying, "I'm proud of my heritage, and I'm honored that you're learning to navigate it." What's the harm in acknowledging that and letting it drop?
Posted by Sean on
2005-04-08 01:35:20
I just think that when people use obnoxious means to make the point that not all things Japanese are mysterious and inaccessible to foreigners, they come out the losers in the exchange. If you want to challenge people's assumptions, you have to do so in ways that don't make them reflexively throw up their defenses. In Japan, the way to do that is pointed self-deprecation. You don't have to worry about being thought wimpy, since everyone knows you're preserving your polite face, and if the subtext is there, they'll get it. It's hard to believe anyone's lived here for a few years without figuring that out.
When I tell Japanese people that story they shake their heads in sympathy and don't comment any more about my knowledge of things Asian.
I'm always a little embarassed when I escort people in Japan who don't know how to eat with them.
It's usually not that Japanese people are being condescending with the "nihongo jyouzu nee" type remarks - many of them have really bought into the hyope about how different and difficult their culture and language is to foreigners.
Half the time, once the person I'm talking to realizes that I do in fact speak Japanese well enough to hold a conversation, they accept the fact fairly easily and move on, with perhaps a "My, you speak Japanese so well" thrown in right at the beginning, presumably more for form's sake than anything. Instances like these never bothered me at all, since there are a lot of foreigners who speak Japanese only poorly if at all (certainly in Tokyo, at least; perhaps other areas of Japan are different?), and you can't expect people to tell just by looking how well you happen to speak their language.
The other half of the time, they keep going on and on way past the degree required for form's sake. People like these never failed to get on my nerves after a while, not least because it was nearly impossible to actually have any sort of conversation with them. I remember how frustrated I'd get when I'd run into people like this right when I thought I was finally getting comfortable with Japanese people, and they with me.
I suppose the only thing one can do is to handle people on a case-by-case basis, rather than assuming a priori that they'll react in any particular way. Banal, perhaps, but something I at least had to keep reminding myself while I was living in Japan.
The one thing I couldn't ever abide was when somebody tried speaking to me in broken English, particularly after I'd already spoken to them in Japanese. I know it's counterproductive in the grand scheme of things, but my first impulse in dealing with such people is to ignore them utterly, or at least pretend not to understand what they're saying.
The only time I counterattack without apology is when someone finds out I'm American and then decides to make a political issue of it. But that's pretty rare.
Instead of launching into my long story, I just say, "Thanks, I've been practicing a lot", do a quick pen-twirl of the chopsticks around my thumb, and go back to eating.
Since this is a trick the other person often can't even do themselves, it shakes up their worldview of gaijin as clumsy barbarians. And yeah, in certain situations it would be rude, but lighten up. It usually gets a "sugoi!" or a laugh, and then we move on.
Of course, if I were in a very formal setting, I would probably just mind my manners, take one for the team, and say "Thanks." You have to know your audience.